A Meandering Path

Over the last 11 years I have felt lost.  I have told myself with each new venture this is what I was supposed to do, this is the path I am supposed to take.

Each time was close or right for now but never perfect. In the end the voice in my head saying “this is it, this is where I am supposed to be” was not my own, I lacked the confidence I needed to find my path.

Over the last few years I have tried to find my path; writing, cleaning, direct sales, working for others in traditional jobs.  They all start off promising but never get me, my family, out of the dark pit we are in financially. It was frustrating and tiring.  I railed against fate I blamed karma thinking of the slightest negative I ever did.  I internally screamed why me, why cant I just catch a break???

The answer is simple, I lost my confidence, I lost who I was.

Once upon a time I ruled abundance, like it was my job, even though I had know idea I was doing it.  Everything came exactly when I needed it to.  Then, my life changed.

Life hit me with a series of events that rocked my foundation.  I was having problems at work; my career was falling apart, other peoples voices were taking mine away.  At one point I believed my actions would always speak louder then others negative voices, I was wrong.  I met and was in a relationship with someone I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, we were taking steps to move in together and for me to change jobs, then I found him intimately with another person who is now his wife.

My personal and work life was in dishevel, my life was turned upside down and I stopped believing in me. I lost my magic and myself.  On the outside I put on a facade that all was good, that I would persevere but on the inside I was broken and lost.

Life sent me a series of opportunities to grow.  I didn’t know what they were at the time.  Each one I thought was the the break I needed, but in reality they were little life lessons showing me the path I needed to take and how to be me again.  Teaching, gardening, helping others these are where my power lies.  Writing and volunteering are still very much on the table, writing for my peace and volunteering for my soul.

As I work toward making my future full of magic again with intentional gardening and teaching others how to garden with intention and to create happy places and make their own potions and lotions with Gypsy Green In addition, I have a fantastic opportunity to start teaching kids again, helping them gain the confidence to believe in themselves while gaining the skills they need to problem solve and build the skills they need in their life to over come the adversity the may come across in life.  All Heart Academy is amazing. My kids have been going for over a year now and I am excited to be apart of the energy this opportunity provides.

Letting go of who I was and embracing who I am.  Finding one’s true path and listening to your true inner voice instead of the voices of others who can drown out everything else and mess with your personal energy.  In the end believe in yourself, have confidence in yourself and trust who you are inside.

 

Finding me

Lately I have been working a lot on self and remembering who I am.  Most of my 30s was spent doing what needed to be done to get by and make things work.  I was blessed with my littles during this time and my determination became stronger.  Between doing what needs to be done and caring for my littles, I lost myself.

Normally I would journal or write my thoughts, and life has shown me that time is not always on my side.  So I am trying a new way.  It’s out of my comfort zone and that is a good thing.  No one ever succeed by keeping it safe.

Below is a video where I just ramble a bit about what is happening.  Expect to see more of these!

 

 

Are they real?

“Are they real?” is a question I heard often as an adult.  Get your mind out of the gutter, it was referring to my eyes.  Never thought my eye color was anything unique as most of my family has them but I guess that is not true.

Growing up was always told we had hazel eyes.  They can “change” color.  Never really understood what hazel eyes were so one day I looked it up.  According to Wikipedia:

“Hazel eyes are due to a combination of Rayleigh scattering and a moderate amount of melanin in the iris’ anterior border layer.[4][33] Hazel eyes often appear to shift in color from a brown to a green. Although hazel mostly consists of brown and green, the dominant color in the eye can either be brown/gold or green. This is how many people mistake hazel eyes to be amber and vice versa.[71][72][73][74][75][76][77] This can sometimes produce a multicolored iris, i.e., an eye that is light brown/amber near the pupil and charcoal or dark green on the outer part of the iris (or vice versa) when observed in sunlight.

Definitions of the eye color hazel vary: it is sometimes considered to be synonymous with light brown or gold, as in the color of a hazelnut shell.[71][73][76][78]

Hazel eyes occur throughout Caucasoid populations, in particular in regions where blue, green and brown eyed peoples are intermixed.”

A more scientific definition comes from Stanford at the Tech:

“So why don’t we know more about the genetics of hazel eyes? Part of the reason comes from the difficulty of defining hazel. In other words, when is hazel actually brown? Or green?

People are working on coming up with ways to more precisely define these different eye colors. Hopefully they won’t open up a whole new can of worms by giving us a bunch of new eye colors (brown-hazel, hazel, green-hazel, etc.).

Another reason is that the inheritance must be pretty tricky. It must not be as “simple” as blue, green, and brown eyes.”

They go very deep into the genetics of it all, feel free to read on!

After doing more research, my eyes fall somewhere into that could be “green-hazel” or green or hazel depending on the light.  As much as crying is never on my to-do list it does always give me a great dark green with gold eye color afterwards!

When I was younger my eyes tended more toward a brown then a gold color like my kids eyes now.  This would make my daughter happy as she often says she wants green eyes like mommy and light hair like daddy.  At three years old I am not sure why she cares!

In the end, my favorite answer that I ever gave to the question “Are your eyes real?” was to a student. ” No I had an eye transplant a few years ago.” Said comeplete dead pan and he believed me. (Please note he was about 16 years old and colored contacts were the rage at the time.)

How young is old enough

Recently I was asked how I would feel about not being able to stay and watch my son at his after school activity.  My first thought was NOOOOOOO!  Not because I do not trust the coaches and owner, but because he is 6.

It’s a bit weird that my reaction was to say no.  He has gone to “Parent night out events” at this location and loved it.  I was a nervous wreck, though I tried not to show it.  Still I am not comfortable leaving him in class for an hour without me there.

In speaking with other parents some agree with me others do not see what the problem is with dropping off.  This raises the question, how young is old enough? If my son was 7 I don’t think I would have the same reaction but that is only a year away.

My thoughts are this, within that year a lot of growth happens, we are already seeing it.  Right now he has not fully learned impulse control and is easily distracted.  Combine that with most of his instructors/coaches being young and having 4-8 other kids between the ages of 4-7 in a group how will they be able to handle it if he does get hurt.  I love my son but know how dramatic he can be when he gets hurt, will they be able to assess when he is really hurt or just being dramatic? He is starting to learn the difference but is not there yet.

What is your thought? How young is old enough to drop a child off for an after school activity?

 

Non-Newtonian Fluid

I was an adult when I learned of a Non-Newtonian fluid. Do you know what they are?  Or even what a Netownian fluid is?

Growing up I do not remember this ever coming up while I was in school.  What are they? Defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary a Newtonian fluid is a fluid whose viscosity does not change with rate of flow. Huh? Basically no matter how fast or slow it’s going the resistance to flow; it follows all of Newtons laws on how liquids should act.

Then what is a non-Newtonian fluid? According to Science Learning Hub it is defined as fluids  that change their viscosity or flow behavior under stress. If you apply a force to such fluids (say you hit, shake or jump on them), the sudden application of stress can cause them to get thicker and act like a solid, or in some cases it results in the opposite behavior and they may get runnier than they were before. Remove the stress (let them sit still or only move them slowly) and they will return to their earlier state.  Think of slime or cornstarch and water.  They can ooze around and take the shape of any container they are placed in but still act like a solid under situations.

Why does any of this matter? Because I feel like a non-Newtonian fluid.  Many people have heard me say ” I am like water, what do you need?”  Yup I am really good at morphing into just about any roll, some better than others. Please do not take my ability to transfer my position/roll to fit the situations needs.  I have adapted well to many scenarios and truth be told I am at my breaking point.

I am being pulled in so many directions like to many kids pulling on silly putty to see how far it can stretch, there is not much left to hold me together.  This does not mean I am brittle and about to break, on the contrary, we non-Newtonian fluids fold back together after being broken, unlike Newtonian fluids.  We are more versatile and can make a lot happen.

Now the question is, in what shape and form will I take next?

 

 

What do you do for a living?

Through out our lives we have had a need to compare what we are doing to others.  See it in my kids, the need to compete and do better.  We here it on the playground, “where do you go to school?” or ” how many X do you have, I have X.”

This theme transcends into adulthood. What kind of car do you drive? What do you do? Where do you work?  What town do you live in? How many bedrooms?  The comparisons never seem to end.

With everything going on in my world I never know how to respond to the most common of these questions, What do you do for a living?

Do I answer run a home cleaning service? Or I sell the most amazing tea and  host fun tea parties! Or I am a part of an amazing company that has the best nutrition and skin care available!  Or I help people save on there energy and phone bill.  Or do I say I am a struggling writer of young adult fiction with a strong lean in Science fiction/fantasy?

All of these apply, depending on the person, anyone could lead to an amazing connection.  The struggle is which one? The answer could either lead to an amazing connection or a lost opportunity.  This is what I have come up with to solve the dilemma.

I am in the happiness business.

Wish you had more time but it feels like you come home from work and have more work? I can help! Weekly, biweekly and monthly cleaning options are available!

Need a way to relax the mind and rejuvenate the spirit? Let’s sit with a cup of Tealightful tea and talk about happy things!

Feeling low on energy and want to feel better physically and mentally?  You, Me, spa day and sampling yummy Arbonne alternatives.

Need a gift that is unique?  Want to get crafty but don’t know how?  Lets talk crochet and bows with Hook and Loop Creations!

Want to loose yourself in a story?  I have several that can always use Beta Readers!  What is your genera of choice?

Feeling a little tight in the pocket? Lets look at your energy and phone bills and see if we can get them lowered with Stream!

Looking to make a little extra cash? Let’s see if any of these options work for you!

In the end, making other people happy has always made me happy . . . isn’t that what it all about?