Month: April 2016

Out of the Waiting Place

When both of my children were born I searched for a book that I would use as a year book of sorts for their life.  I add pictures to it of places we have been and asked people to sign it to show how far they have come and how many lives they have touched.  The story I chose for my son is Dr. Seuss’ Oh the Places you will go!

One of the portions of this story that always stuck with me is the portion of the waiting place.  I spent a long time in my waiting place, trying to figure out my life.  Even after recognizing that I was in a waiting place and knowing I needed to move on I could not figure out how.

Then about a year ago I was forced out of my waiting place.  I was let go from a job I thought I wanted . . . needed. Without any real skill set to obtain another position that would let me provide for my family.  I was going to school for Medical coding and billing but with two young children (my son was three and my daughter only 4 months) it was slow going.  A part of me knew that job and company would never be enough for me to raise my children but it was something and is that not better than nothing?

WRONG!  That was just another waiting place.  It was not my place, no matter how hard I tried to make it work.  Doesn’t the saying go, if it is work to make it work it is not the place for you?

A lot has happened this last year.  After not even getting a call for an interview for anything I applied to I started cleaning homes.  I now work less hours making the same amount of money, technically a little more, and get to spend time with my children, working on my stories and soon finishing up my lessons for medical coding and billing (yeah I know why not finished yet? That is an entirely different story).

Looks like I needed a push out of the waiting place, now to see where we are heading next . . . Oh the places we will go!

Taking a name

Recently read an article about the history of wedding rings.  The article went as far back as the time of the cave man when it was believed that males wold tie rings around a mates neck, arms and legs as a means to subdue them, break them like a wild horse.  This visual makes me angry, as this is not about respect, but submission.

This got me wondering about the tradition of the wife taking her husbands last name.  I do not have my husbands last name.  Most days I do not care, especially as it is becoming less common for people to change their names.  The reasons are various.  It does make me chuckle sometimes when someone calls from the pediatricians office and calls me by my husbands/children’s last name, especially since I am the one who always takes my children and always sign with my name . . . but I digress.

The answer is vague and still unclear.  Not everyone around the world does it.  It varies by culture and is more of a Western cultural tradition.  At least this is what my vague research has discovered.  Some say it is to signify the changing of families.  Others to show clans and determine relations so family was not having relations with family.  Others said it only occurred in the last 100 years and is more of a financial thing for when the woman was mostly not working and everything was reliant on the husband.

Most of the information I have found is not creditable, but even a Harvard collage paper on the subject does not make mention of any name changes before 1855.  Another site states that there is no mention in the bible of the requirement of a woman taking a last name upon marriage, in fact there is no mention of last names at all!

Basically, last names come down to show paternal lineage.  Hmmm I think I may look into changing my kids last name (JK).  I am the one who carried them for 9 month and shifted my internal organs to make room for them to grow and thrive.  Yeah Kids should take the Moms last names . . .

Spring Fever

The last two months have been a whirl wind.  My business is keeping me busy as are my kids.  And I am loving it!

March is always a busy moth with my son’s birthday.  This year we debated on having a real party for him or not.  In the end we decided to wait one more year before having a “kid” party.

Instead we invited his best friends and family to join us for dinner at Chuck E Cheese. Not one of my favorite places, but on a week day it is not to crowded so the kids can run without worry of the bigger kids pushing them around.  In addition we had a special cake made and decorated the house.  My son, if you don’t already know, LOVES dinosaurs.  This was the theme of this years birthday.

His cake, made by the amazing Samantha at the Gingered Peach in Lawrenceville, NJ.

20160322_180852As you can see he is very happy with it.  We went with The Good Dinosaur instead of Jurassic Park . . . he is only 4.  He also got lots of birthday presents and now wants his birthday to be every day.

Unfortunately all of this almost did not happen.  The week before his birthday I was really sick.  Do not remember the last time I was so ill.  It snuck up on me too.  The Tuesday before his birthday I felt fine, worked like normal, played with the kids when I got home, put my daughter to bed while my husband put our son down.  That night despite being under two comforters and two fleece blankets I was freezing.  I was so cold I could not move.  When I was finally able to get out of bed and check my temperature it was 102.6 . . . . umm what?????

It was not until Thursday afternoon that my fever dropped down below 100 and stayed there.  Thankfully no one else caught whatever my body was fighting and my son’s day was a success.

In addition, out of every “tragedy” there is a beacon.  For me, this spurred my next stage of getting into a better, fitter me.  The last three months I plateaued with my weight loss.  After being sick I lost 4 lbs.  With another 20-30lbs to go I decided this was the time to take my plan to the next level.  I started interval jogging, not far right now, but enough to start building my lung strength and endurance.  This last week we started adding weight training.  The goal, to show my kids you can do anything if you are determined enough to put forth the effort.

My son is already asking why Momma is working out. He wants to run with Momma and I want to be able to do it with him.  I tell him that Momma wants to get stronger so she can run with him, he loves it and wants to help me train.  For that I am grateful for my spring fever.

The roles that we play

As we go through life we all have various rolls we play.  Child, smart aleck, know-it-all,  student, partner, teacher, parent, grandparent; these are all learning experiences for us as individuals.  These rolls also affect the other players.

This is not something I really dwelt upon even though it has been in my peripheral.  Now that I have children, this thought comes to the forefront even more.  Is how I am playing my roles of Mom, wife, worker, volunteer, human being setting a good example for my kids?  Are these roles helping or hurting them?  Is it enough?

Even beyond the roles I play, how are the roles of others affecting my children?

One of the biggest roles I look at is that of Grand Parents.  Both my grandfathers passed away before I was born.  My paternal Grandmother passed when I was very young.  Even though I remember her, it is vague.  My maternal Grandmother passed when I was in my early 20s . . . . Having only really known my one grandparent how has that affected me as an adult, a parent, eventually a grandparent?

My mom is the epitome of a grandparent.  My kids adore her, especially my 4 year old.  He knows Nana means cuddles and toys and adventures with the bonus of a guaranteed playmate for any adventure he can think up.  My Mom loves it.

I never knew this side of a grandparent growing up.  It makes me wonder how other roles in my life molded me and how these roles are molding my kids.  In the end am I putting to much thought into the importance of these roles?