When I look into a mirror all I see are the imperfections; the sagging skin, the 20 pounds that still needs loosing, the dark circles with tired eyes, and clogged pours. I see everything that makes the beauty industry a multi billion dollar industry. This has been further further exemplified when other share with me how tired I look and how I should take a break.
Here is the thing, my kids do not see me that way. They see a Momma who comes home from being away at work all day who still plays with them, that is always up for a snuggle, and takes them on adventures when has a day off. To them I am beautiful.
When I am with them I feel beautiful.
Maybe it is true what they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe it is because when I am with them I am not worried about what others think as long as they are happy. Whatever the cause, it’s time for a change.
For a very long time I have not been happy with myself. This goes beyond my skin and weight, though will be addressing that too. It stems from not being true to myself. For a long time, way before my kids or husband, I have made compromises to who I am and what I want in order to “get by” or “what needs to be done for now”. Even writing this blog, sharing stories, getting in the habit of writing isn’t kept up enough. If you look at the length of time between posts, it is months! This post has taken weeks to to write and it’s not even that long.
This thought process has turned into a life style. A life style that is taking it’s toll. If I am going to truly be happy with myself it’s time now to make it happen.
What does this mean?
To be specific, not 100% sure. My first step is to start redirecting my focus. Recently I was asked to share if I could do anything what would it be? My response: full time momma, part time writer, part time tea sales. The priority is in that order.
Much of my “free time” is spent on things I do not want to do, but what should be done. I take on extra clients because I currently feel that its more important to have immediate funds, this is changing. It is taking away from my family and who I am. My patience with my kids is short because I am not being true to myself. I read recently a quote that hit home. “The only thing standing between you and your goal is the BS story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.” I like telling stories, but the one I am telling myself that is keeping me from my dream is over.
I have already started putting more energy into my tea business, Simply Tealightful ( http://www.tealightfultea.net/SIMPLYTEALIGHTFUL/). I am also thinking of starting a second direct sales business, which also focuses on something I am passionate about, health and wellness. These are products I already use so would not be a stretch to take the next step, just want to be practical about it since I am currently our primary income and do not want to take away from my true passions, family and writing.
Another step is making time for me. I started reading again before bed. I picked up crocheting again and spend a little bit every day on my daughters blanket. The same blanket I started almost 2 years ago! I am also going to get into a better workout routine. Instead of I cant go today, I am working late, or the kids I am going to start introducing yoga at home. Amazon Prime has some free videos I am checking out starting today. The kids can join me if the want! Weight lifting is back on the table too. Have let that slide the last few months as it was not convenient for the other half to join and train me. That is over, we will start adding weights back into the routine 2-3 times a week.
The final step, and the most daunting, is getting back into writing. This one takes the most time and is easily set aside when the kids start calling or anything distracts me. I am going to need to re-find my focus and drive to make this happen. Bring it back to the forefront versus when I have time. The time will not happen unless I make it a priority, retraining the brain after 6 years of teaching it to push to the back is not going to be easy. In fact I wrote more today (almost 500 words) than I have wrote all year.
I am asking all of you to help. Keep me on track, keep me accountable. Any suggestions on tools to help with planning and scheduling until it becomes a part of me is much appreciated! Time to find my beauty in myself.