A Meandering Path

Over the last 11 years I have felt lost.  I have told myself with each new venture this is what I was supposed to do, this is the path I am supposed to take.

Each time was close or right for now but never perfect. In the end the voice in my head saying “this is it, this is where I am supposed to be” was not my own, I lacked the confidence I needed to find my path.

Over the last few years I have tried to find my path; writing, cleaning, direct sales, working for others in traditional jobs.  They all start off promising but never get me, my family, out of the dark pit we are in financially. It was frustrating and tiring.  I railed against fate I blamed karma thinking of the slightest negative I ever did.  I internally screamed why me, why cant I just catch a break???

The answer is simple, I lost my confidence, I lost who I was.

Once upon a time I ruled abundance, like it was my job, even though I had know idea I was doing it.  Everything came exactly when I needed it to.  Then, my life changed.

Life hit me with a series of events that rocked my foundation.  I was having problems at work; my career was falling apart, other peoples voices were taking mine away.  At one point I believed my actions would always speak louder then others negative voices, I was wrong.  I met and was in a relationship with someone I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, we were taking steps to move in together and for me to change jobs, then I found him intimately with another person who is now his wife.

My personal and work life was in dishevel, my life was turned upside down and I stopped believing in me. I lost my magic and myself.  On the outside I put on a facade that all was good, that I would persevere but on the inside I was broken and lost.

Life sent me a series of opportunities to grow.  I didn’t know what they were at the time.  Each one I thought was the the break I needed, but in reality they were little life lessons showing me the path I needed to take and how to be me again.  Teaching, gardening, helping others these are where my power lies.  Writing and volunteering are still very much on the table, writing for my peace and volunteering for my soul.

As I work toward making my future full of magic again with intentional gardening and teaching others how to garden with intention and to create happy places and make their own potions and lotions with Gypsy Green In addition, I have a fantastic opportunity to start teaching kids again, helping them gain the confidence to believe in themselves while gaining the skills they need to problem solve and build the skills they need in their life to over come the adversity the may come across in life.  All Heart Academy is amazing. My kids have been going for over a year now and I am excited to be apart of the energy this opportunity provides.

Letting go of who I was and embracing who I am.  Finding one’s true path and listening to your true inner voice instead of the voices of others who can drown out everything else and mess with your personal energy.  In the end believe in yourself, have confidence in yourself and trust who you are inside.


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