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A Meandering Path

Over the last 11 years I have felt lost.  I have told myself with each new venture this is what I was supposed to do, this is the path I am supposed to take.

Each time was close or right for now but never perfect. In the end the voice in my head saying “this is it, this is where I am supposed to be” was not my own, I lacked the confidence I needed to find my path.

Over the last few years I have tried to find my path; writing, cleaning, direct sales, working for others in traditional jobs.  They all start off promising but never get me, my family, out of the dark pit we are in financially. It was frustrating and tiring.  I railed against fate I blamed karma thinking of the slightest negative I ever did.  I internally screamed why me, why cant I just catch a break???

The answer is simple, I lost my confidence, I lost who I was.

Once upon a time I ruled abundance, like it was my job, even though I had know idea I was doing it.  Everything came exactly when I needed it to.  Then, my life changed.

Life hit me with a series of events that rocked my foundation.  I was having problems at work; my career was falling apart, other peoples voices were taking mine away.  At one point I believed my actions would always speak louder then others negative voices, I was wrong.  I met and was in a relationship with someone I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, we were taking steps to move in together and for me to change jobs, then I found him intimately with another person who is now his wife.

My personal and work life was in dishevel, my life was turned upside down and I stopped believing in me. I lost my magic and myself.  On the outside I put on a facade that all was good, that I would persevere but on the inside I was broken and lost.

Life sent me a series of opportunities to grow.  I didn’t know what they were at the time.  Each one I thought was the the break I needed, but in reality they were little life lessons showing me the path I needed to take and how to be me again.  Teaching, gardening, helping others these are where my power lies.  Writing and volunteering are still very much on the table, writing for my peace and volunteering for my soul.

As I work toward making my future full of magic again with intentional gardening and teaching others how to garden with intention and to create happy places and make their own potions and lotions with Gypsy Green In addition, I have a fantastic opportunity to start teaching kids again, helping them gain the confidence to believe in themselves while gaining the skills they need to problem solve and build the skills they need in their life to over come the adversity the may come across in life.  All Heart Academy is amazing. My kids have been going for over a year now and I am excited to be apart of the energy this opportunity provides.

Letting go of who I was and embracing who I am.  Finding one’s true path and listening to your true inner voice instead of the voices of others who can drown out everything else and mess with your personal energy.  In the end believe in yourself, have confidence in yourself and trust who you are inside.

 

Finding me

Lately I have been working a lot on self and remembering who I am.  Most of my 30s was spent doing what needed to be done to get by and make things work.  I was blessed with my littles during this time and my determination became stronger.  Between doing what needs to be done and caring for my littles, I lost myself.

Normally I would journal or write my thoughts, and life has shown me that time is not always on my side.  So I am trying a new way.  It’s out of my comfort zone and that is a good thing.  No one ever succeed by keeping it safe.

Below is a video where I just ramble a bit about what is happening.  Expect to see more of these!

 

 

Are they real?

“Are they real?” is a question I heard often as an adult.  Get your mind out of the gutter, it was referring to my eyes.  Never thought my eye color was anything unique as most of my family has them but I guess that is not true.

Growing up was always told we had hazel eyes.  They can “change” color.  Never really understood what hazel eyes were so one day I looked it up.  According to Wikipedia:

“Hazel eyes are due to a combination of Rayleigh scattering and a moderate amount of melanin in the iris’ anterior border layer.[4][33] Hazel eyes often appear to shift in color from a brown to a green. Although hazel mostly consists of brown and green, the dominant color in the eye can either be brown/gold or green. This is how many people mistake hazel eyes to be amber and vice versa.[71][72][73][74][75][76][77] This can sometimes produce a multicolored iris, i.e., an eye that is light brown/amber near the pupil and charcoal or dark green on the outer part of the iris (or vice versa) when observed in sunlight.

Definitions of the eye color hazel vary: it is sometimes considered to be synonymous with light brown or gold, as in the color of a hazelnut shell.[71][73][76][78]

Hazel eyes occur throughout Caucasoid populations, in particular in regions where blue, green and brown eyed peoples are intermixed.”

A more scientific definition comes from Stanford at the Tech:

“So why don’t we know more about the genetics of hazel eyes? Part of the reason comes from the difficulty of defining hazel. In other words, when is hazel actually brown? Or green?

People are working on coming up with ways to more precisely define these different eye colors. Hopefully they won’t open up a whole new can of worms by giving us a bunch of new eye colors (brown-hazel, hazel, green-hazel, etc.).

Another reason is that the inheritance must be pretty tricky. It must not be as “simple” as blue, green, and brown eyes.”

They go very deep into the genetics of it all, feel free to read on!

After doing more research, my eyes fall somewhere into that could be “green-hazel” or green or hazel depending on the light.  As much as crying is never on my to-do list it does always give me a great dark green with gold eye color afterwards!

When I was younger my eyes tended more toward a brown then a gold color like my kids eyes now.  This would make my daughter happy as she often says she wants green eyes like mommy and light hair like daddy.  At three years old I am not sure why she cares!

In the end, my favorite answer that I ever gave to the question “Are your eyes real?” was to a student. ” No I had an eye transplant a few years ago.” Said comeplete dead pan and he believed me. (Please note he was about 16 years old and colored contacts were the rage at the time.)

How young is old enough

Recently I was asked how I would feel about not being able to stay and watch my son at his after school activity.  My first thought was NOOOOOOO!  Not because I do not trust the coaches and owner, but because he is 6.

It’s a bit weird that my reaction was to say no.  He has gone to “Parent night out events” at this location and loved it.  I was a nervous wreck, though I tried not to show it.  Still I am not comfortable leaving him in class for an hour without me there.

In speaking with other parents some agree with me others do not see what the problem is with dropping off.  This raises the question, how young is old enough? If my son was 7 I don’t think I would have the same reaction but that is only a year away.

My thoughts are this, within that year a lot of growth happens, we are already seeing it.  Right now he has not fully learned impulse control and is easily distracted.  Combine that with most of his instructors/coaches being young and having 4-8 other kids between the ages of 4-7 in a group how will they be able to handle it if he does get hurt.  I love my son but know how dramatic he can be when he gets hurt, will they be able to assess when he is really hurt or just being dramatic? He is starting to learn the difference but is not there yet.

What is your thought? How young is old enough to drop a child off for an after school activity?

 

Bite your Tounge

This may make some people I know unfriend me, at the very least not invite me over anymore and I am OK with that.  This is really outside of my normal sunshine and roses, life is great I am up for any challenge type post.  At the same time, it needs to be said.

A few times recently, especially with the holidays, we have been invited to friends homes.  As our kids are normally dubbed the “good kids” who use manners, respect other peoples homes and their kids toys we are often encouraged to bring our children with us, in hopes our kids behaviors will rub off on their kids.  It’s something that amazes us yet we are sort of proud of as means we are at least doing something right.

Here is the crux of the matter.  We don’t curse in front of our kids.  We don’t let them watch shows that have “bad words” in them.  When they do hear a bad word we talk about why it’s not a good word to use and what could have been said instead.  So when we go to other peoples homes who do not monitor their language in front of children it makes it really uncomfortable for us and the kids.

It’s not our place to tell you how to act in your own home, but it is my place as my child’s Momma to teach them right from wrong and how to stand up for what they believe in yet listen with an open mind.  In the end it comes down to one major learned trait, respect.

We respect your home, your way of doing things; you want us to come over, respect ours.  My kids will always put a Mrs. or Mr. in front of your name weather you want it to be your first or last doesn’t matter.  It’s a sign of respect.  My kids will always help clean up the mess they made, and sometimes ones they didn’t.  My kids will always ask first and say please and thank you.  Is it so hard for you to not say Sh*t or F*ck in front of them?

How can we as parents, as role models for our kids expect them to do better, be better, when we ourselves are not modeling that behavior?

My kids hear me say please and thank you to strangers, even people doing their jobs like cashiers, door attendants, janitors,  ride attendants, gas station employees it doesn’t matter what walk of life some one is on, manners are used.  They are being shown/modeled manner so they use them.

At home, even out and about,  if something happens that makes us speak out we have other words we say.  My kids know if I say Nova Scotia, I am on the brink! (Nothing against Nova Scotia, have never been there but heard its great.  It’s something that just came out once a long time ago and it stuck.)  We found when we use unsinn (nonsense) words it helps us recognize our reaction and monitor it.  It also allows us to get out anger or frustration out without using the “bad” words.  Some of the stuff we say even gets everyone laughing which eases the tension.

In the end, it all comes down to respect.  Which do you you choose; respect or disrespect?

Enjoying the journey

Typically toward the end of the year I take a reflect on my years goals and see what I was able to achieve and what was not even on the radar.  2017 gave me a lot of curve balls yet put me on an amazing path while still achieving many goals.

This year we unexpectedly moved.  Though it was not something we intended to happen yet, It was the right path for us,  My family is happier and we were able to add to kitties to our world this Holiday Season, which would not have happened in our old home.

One of my goals was to write more.  This year I actively participated in NaNoWriMo for the first time!  For years I have said someday to this, this year I said lets do it!  Did I finish or reach my word count, no. But I did it and will do it again in 2018!  The Reluctant Cheerleader is almost 10,000 words long and will continue it to completion.

My wellness was more of a focus in 2017 and will continue to be in 2018.  Though i continued to  try to put a routine that worked for me together, life decided my income was more important.  2018 will find a balance in both, especially since I am now an independent consultant for Arbonne!  (Shameless plug here: http://www.arbonne.com/pws/karenrichards23569937/tabs/home.aspx )  My man has also completed and passed his ACE course for personal training and applying to gyms to start that journey as well.

Another goal for 2017 was to take a vacation.  This technically did not happen BUT I did get to go on a Weekend retreat with Tealightful in Rochester NY!  Buying the house did but a damper on a proper vacation,  yet we went to a wedding and stayed in a hotel for 2 nights, we went to the beach, we went to Sesame Place and many other adventures.  Memories were made and isn’t that what vacations with kids is all about?

All in all, I cannot complain about 2017 despite being a year that seemed to draw focus to all the negative. The journey had lots of mountains to climb and rewards were amazingI 2017  brought me closer to more achievements then the last 10 years (outside of my kids!) and I  am excited to see what 2018 brings!

Relax, Recharge, Be Mindful

Tealightful Tea Blog

This is a very busy time of year — a wonderful one — but get-togethers, shopping for gifts, chorus concerts at school, and tree trimming can all be draining. Of course, your normal workday, parenting, and day to day tasks still are included in that “busy-ness.”

Sometimes we get so caught up in doing that we overlooking the importance of being.

Like smartphones, people could use a good charge, don’t you think? In this day and age when people are glued to technology and constantly checking to see how much battery is left, I think it is really so important to step back and say, “Wait, what about being a bit more mindful about my own feelings and energy level?”

Recharge with Tealightful

When you are thinking about the more “traditional” ways to unwind, there is usually significant time involved. For example, many find it relaxing to go to the spa for…

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